Summer Scarves

"and the world's got me dizzy again.."

2011-01-20T01:17:00.000-08:00

the summer beat of a winter heart. i watched autumn turn alibi into an art. igniting the words as they fall from your lips; burning out before the floor like flares from sinking ships. hollow sheets on box spring streets. click, delete. catch me if you can. shopping for truth in a generic brand. busy signals in your pulse. finding diamonds on bridges that weren't built to cross. save me from my own head. i'll never be safe from the fifth post bed.

925

2010-10-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

the white noise walls. falling through sheets a hundred miles deep. found you dying under the western sun; it's been awhile since we've spun our guns. a blink, a breath, and two in the chest. wake up kid, your head is a mess. laid in the dirt and watched the universe crack. felt the vibrations of the earth in my back. medicate me with your finest of reds. the moon looked so good against the sheets on your bed.

scribbled on an envelope on the drive home..

2009-02-07T22:16:00.001-08:00

buying sunshine off the shelves. "just add water". chemical rainbows over the disaster streets in my head. how can something so beautiful not really exist? i'm addicted to the idea of you. padded rooms for white jacket thoughts; you are the only cure for being alone. inject me. my pulse beats electric for you. been swimming through wishing wells with you in my head. modern day madman. spend my nights in white coats putting you together and praying for lightning. come to life and make me real again. you are the b-side to my thoughts. i want to be in love.

"when you were young and on your own, how did it feel to be alone?.."

2009-02-03T17:42:00.000-08:00

tossing compasses to sea hoping you'll find me. throwing ropes around clouds hoping you'll climb down. the closest comfort. i want to be wrapped up in blankets with you. television serenade. a room glowing blue, just for two. i want to feel the blood settle inside my veins when you're near. a glass of wine and your hand in mine. putting the world on mute because our heartbeats are all that matter tonight. let the hands of the clock draw circles around us, time won't exist when we're together. nothing could ever be better. if i could dream you to life i would sleep forever..

"i will never end up like him, behind my back i already am.."

2009-02-01T02:50:00.000-08:00

told myself to burn this town and drive away, but the flames dance so beautifully in the rearview mirror. want to call to make sure you're okay but you don't exist. lately i've been living in my head. sleeping on mistakes and taking walks on wishes. cocktail-gating on the bumpers of cars going nowhere. wishing you were in the passenger seat so i could give this drive a rest. feel your fingers inside mine and your head against my chest. almost certain i've spent a night in the sky. beamed up through a blue light. took out the romance chip and replaced it with a thousand nights alone, between sycamore avenue and somewhere strange. head in the gutter and my heart on the rocks. broadcasting an s.o.s. through empty bottles and beds. hoping you're out there to decipher this mess. show me that there's more to these weekends than the music and lights. rescue me tonight.

"yes, only love can break your heart.."

circa early december.

2008-12-22T20:01:00.000-08:00

you're a crease in pages of half-written novels alongside my bed telling of tragedy and disbelief. you're the sun breaking through a stitch in the blinds exposing the dust inside my veins. there wasn't a moment against your lips when i didn't feel electric. you're a beautiful relapse to a forgotten addiction. only today you're one night to a one-way flight and you'll be out of this town for good. never thought there was a kiss that these hours could sever. who is time to say that tonight can't last forever?

thank you.

circa late november.

2008-12-22T19:59:00.000-08:00

the farewell gravity. the way your stomach is pulled to the floor when you physically feel the present become the past. you break a sweat to match your heart. you stare into the lights on the ceiling until your retinas burn. it doesn't matter. sleep becomes a memory just like everything else. another night that ends in a golden room. a criminal sun breaks through these wooden shades and paints the walls of nostalgic octobers. it's almost as if sleep itself has found someone new. it's the dormancy of these hours that keeps my head spinning. it's the melancholy ambience of a television with no soul. a siren screaming through an early LA morning. the steady hum of silence that never seems to die.

..

2008-10-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

....

he wears his heart on his fingertips and a lock on his lips.

2008-05-28T02:03:00.000-07:00

the appellation hope. lost sight somewhere inside a clock. what was once thought impossible now shines through the pessimistic vendetta my brain plagued on thoughts of you. i see your baby blues through stills and they don't pour into me like they used to. this is a final collection of words carved into the beveled letters of your name across the grey stones inside my mind. the discontent spilling from your eyes inside every stare finally died inside a delivery and was marked return to sender. uproot my smile. paint it across these years and pretend everything is how you imagined. blink twice and let me go. dim the lights knowing that we gave the kids a show.

yep.

2008-05-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

nothing clever this time. strange how things work out. that's all.

-mark

i hid a love letter under the floormat of a delorean.

2008-05-16T01:50:00.000-07:00

split at the seams of love and lonely. tearing down the threads of kisses on the shoulders of nights alone on the town. writing to a 'you' that doesn't exist yet. should you race into my arms or sit these next years out? are you a trend or a perfect fit? come here and complete me. avoid me at all costs.

-m

this..just in.

2008-01-24T00:05:00.000-08:00

for once i feel okay.
i finally feel myself letting go,
and it feels good.
it feels good that i don't have to try anymore.
i don't have to feel drained inside your rejections.
i don't have to spend the day wondering if you replied to my message.
somewhere between your no's and hello's, i gave up.
i dropped hope and left it for dead.
and i'll always care for you
and you'll always be my friend,
but that's all,
and that's fine.

thank you.

butch always says it best.

2008-01-17T15:13:00.001-08:00

"i get mad at myself for not acting myself
jealous at the thought of you out.
i don't want you to think it's all that i'm thinking about.
but damn girl, i do.
and every time that i hear someone laugh,
it sounds just like you.."

"when my vocabulary's secondary to a bottle of wine.."

2008-01-16T20:50:00.000-08:00

i'm not sure what lead me to this blank screen.
i'm out of words to say.
i'm out of reason and wit.
of ideas and hope.
love and respect.
i'm worn and ragged from these past few weeks.
and go ahead and take an extra lap,
because you won.
pop open that bottle of champagne i used to forget you,
spill it to victory.
let it run down your hands and arms.
down to the floor and beside my pride.
smile.
void your loneliness with cardboard friends,
but don't come to me when they blow over again.
drink because you still miss us,
but keep your lips sealed.
who would ever want to be a disappointment?
remember your words. your anger they projected from.
remember who tried with all he had.
and who pulled the carpet out from every attempt to stand.
and just know that
through all of these chemically altered nights,
you were the only thing in focus.

seeing you today..

2008-01-15T01:12:00.001-08:00

it made the world seem okay.

sometimes i wish there was a switch to shut off the world.

2008-01-09T22:29:00.001-08:00

tonight i would pull it down and shoot it off the wall.

2008-01-07T21:45:00.000-08:00

today was the first time i got in my car since i've been back
and instantly i thought about the drives to your house
the roadtrips we took
our drives around this town
to the beach
everywhere.
the smell of leather in my car reminds me of us
a starbucks cup with your name on it is still in the cup holder
and i miss you.

sorry.

for tonight

2007-10-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

left the garden but the flowers still grow. six months and a grown up later, only missing out on the best years. it fucking kills me that i'm missing this. it honestly tears me apart. first time we've spoke in weeks. possibly months, now. got a new voice, new weight, new inches to your height. not the kid i left back home. where the fuck did you go?

this isn't fair.

that aside, just give me a break. i'm trying. i really am.

on a night like tonight.

2007-09-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

it's funny the way things work out. inside a dream but living a nightmare. sometimes it seems so. sometimes the mirror is my only source of comfort. the only thing reminding me that i'm still real. at least on the outside. otherwise i try to avoid eye contact at all costs. as much as i can lie to myself, nothing gets past stares in my own direction. send me to jail in pieces- heavy eyes snitch for the lighter sentence. i swear to god i'm like a fucking mortar. fine one day and hopeless the next. the up and down memoirs of the down and up madman. an adept mixtape in the wrong hands. tonight is the loneliest night. tonight i feel alone, broken off and thrown aside from the world and everyone i know. but only for this night. i need someone but all i have right now are words. words and hopes that someone will come take this feeling away. breathe life into this evening and resuscitate my pulse.

i'm always asking too much.

ps. please return to sender..

2007-07-21T02:06:00.001-07:00

tonight is for nostalgic eyes. for the ones that say you went away. the ones who matter the most. the kid who needed my hand. it was my job and i threw it away. i failed and i'm aware. adolescently irresponsible. tonight i've opened my eyes but thirteen years too late. i can only hope i'm forgiven. hope he found his way without me.

nothing but love.

he put on a good show.

2007-07-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

i have nothing to offer. i'm not special, not gifted by any means. i'm a drain on society and your head. i'm a thousand inadequacies. taped up and polished to resemble something useful, although i'll never be. i am a walking forfeit. i'm the places you never want to go. all i ever wanted to do was look over at you. passenger seat heartbeat. i wanted to show you all the places that i've come to love. the ideas i've held onto for days. i piece together these plots that will never see the light of day, but i tell myself and everyone else that they are full proof. failure resistant and built to last. i'm a fraud. i don't know what i'm doing one second to the next, and that's the truth. you're best to just pass me off. up and on to the next victim of this artificial chemical that beats throughout my brain. the ideas unfiltered. unabridged and out of reach. just something for the yesterdays. the non-existant tomorrows. i know them all to well.

friday thirteen.

2007-07-13T00:06:00.001-07:00

this is fucking miserable. how much can change in a day. how bliss becomes tragic. how hopes slip through the gutters and drains of these los angeles streets. the heavy hearts that refuse to come up for air. the hot pulse of anger towards everything you know. fingertips shaking into fists meant for walls. it will never do any good. recycle me. break me down and use me for good. give this heart to someone who can smile. give these lungs to someone who can whisper of beauty, and not of misery and misfortune. it's all my words are good for anymore. they're blacklisted and beaten- taken off the shelves of optimists' corner stores and sent away to the cynics. disregard the words that crumble and fall from these lips. these fingertips. they'll never change your life. they'll never inspire you. nothing i say will save you. you're wasting your time with me, but i'll never admit it out loud. i'm nothing short of and nothing more than a mess. your downfall broadcasted through symphonies of all-nighters and pressed lips. disguised in clouds while building homes in sinking ships. your getaway gone wrong. this is all i'll ever be.

the places that you've come to fear the most

2007-07-04T02:20:00.000-07:00

fuck you for this curse. this addiction to insecurities. these breathing patterns split seconds off beat from the heart you left racing. you've injected these visions into my lids and left me for dead. this is an affliction. the works of a closet criminal. nights spent without her words only bring the awkward emptiness you get between a firework lighting up the sky and the boom that follows. between a joke and the pause before laughter. the high school curiosity between your name being called to the principals office and sitting at his desk. the suspicion between a noise down stairs and turning on the lights. this is your greatest work. your vision on canvas; lit up and displayed for the world to see. you've constructed these walls and locked the door behind you. closed up all the blinds and burned down the evidence. red handed in a black and white world. the cleanest get-away i've ever seen.

i know she's perfect. it's you that keeps me up at night.

'..hiking up hesitation'

2007-06-13T00:42:00.000-07:00

sometimes eyes are just as easy as words. from print to pupils, i'm reading you all the same. this feeling is a second. the only other holds promises of pieces on the floor. it was only words. empty letters formed and sent through airwaves that has my pulse on standby. counting down the seconds to a runway. up and out of the only place that's keeping us down. far away from the lights of this town. i can't help but feel bitter towards every clock i see. every second hand that echoes through these rooms. every sunset through these shades. here's to pressed days and hoping for the best. but we already know how it ends.

..god damn i'm going to miss that girl.

scratched out

2007-06-10T17:31:00.001-07:00

in the same fucking shoes i waited so long to step out of. five-twenty seven. i took a breathe and i took a chance. it made for the most beautiful days of my west coast life. somehow the record skipped and we're right back to these words. these forced movements and awkward reaches from cheek to cheek. only this time we know each other better. if i said it doesn't hurt i'd be the biggest liar you know. but if i say i can wait forever, then i'd only be fooling myself.

let it ring

2007-06-09T17:56:00.001-07:00

i knew it would happen so i'm not going to fight it. let it go. as naturally as it began, it's ended. another notch in a velcro heart. take it for what it was and move along. wash away the taste of my lips. the taste of my hips. i know this isn't good for me. so tonight i'm cursing you off. it was whirlwind. it was magic. it was being timed by something bigger than us. time is up and hopes are down, we'll close this chapter and be glad it was written. you were a good thing, but this is the best for us both. i'm dead to you tonight so bury my in the words left unspoken and i'll spend eternity perfecting responses that will never find the night. goodbye.

you and me

2007-06-01T06:13:00.000-07:00

small amounts of 'genuine' have dressed in black and invaded the corners of my lips. pulling them in the direction of the stars and convincing them to stay the night. this is new. my stomach turns when you're around but only in the best directions. i can't get enough of you. our visits are instantly golden and placed inside the second-hand scrapbooks of these nights against the pacific. i appreciate you more than you could know. last night my eyes filled up with your baby blues and in that second my heart skipped beats. it folded itself up and slipped into your pocket. you have me in all the right ways.

every monday

2007-05-22T04:06:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry for the way i put my hands on you. the way i kiss you inside the unexpected seconds of your stay. i'm always in the heat of hearts. but tonight i've counted up realizations. rational thoughts and realistic ideas that have made up this past month and a half. sense has been lost from the inside out, and left us both for dead. call in the doctors- we have all the symptoms but they say we're doing fine. tonight i know this isn't my place. you're only a silver button away, but we're worlds apart. i want to say this to your face, but all that surfaces is a smile. when i'm with you i'm not myself. you bring out the best in me, and that's not always a good thing. i see him in your eyes. it's not the ifs' that have my pulse trembling, it's the when's. it's the 'i knows' that keep me awake at night. rapid hands over my keyboard typing out the words i can't say. these are all for you. i hope that if you see this you'll understand that i'm not walking away from you. i'm finding my way out while i still have a chance.

go ahead and call me a heartbreaker-
i'm breaking my own.

just incase you're in town..

2007-05-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

tonight i'm counting the spaces between your words. your glares. they're adding up but to what i don't know. you have my brain spinning but in the same way a cd skips. i just want clarity. been taking a break from writing because it only seems to get me in trouble. but you know i can't stay away for too long. this is home. this is the place that understands my head and my heart. fuck the metaphors. i haven't felt like this about anyone in years. high hopes against my words. against promises to myself. your eyes and smile remind me of places i've never been. places only visited under sheets and behind lids. nights with you leave my stomach in knots, and it scares the hell out of me. i thought i was indestructible. i thought i was over the butterflies i used to know so well. you're bringing them back but this time without a plan. without a clue. we've had an amazing day but we both know how this night will end. you'll find lips too familiar to let go, and i'll go from here to memories. they say we learn from our mistakes and i'm on the honor roll. but the grading must be curved because i'm not learning a thing. been telling myself to turn around but one call from you and i'm right back at it. i would be lying if i said it doesn't hurt just a bit. the look in your eyes when i ask if we have a chance. the hurt in mine when hope falls to the floor. the condescending 'i dont knows' you're so easy to whisper in my direction. it's taking a toll. apathy only goes so far, i've heard. i know you need your time but i rely on a stubborn heart. one that's seen them slip away. one that knows how easy it is to go back to where you came from. one that knows that when it starts like this it will always end like that. and i'm sorry. i know you hate the way i'm so easy to write this off, but i guess one of us will be wrong sooner or later. and for once i'm praying that it's me.

tonight is liquor and lines behind smiles and 'im fine's,
but every glance is directed towards you.
here's to us.

so at last..

2007-04-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

they said this place would change your heart. they were right.

tonight is for the stars

2007-03-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

these red eyes are floating on tears but i won't let one fall
i'm hanging on to every second of this night,
holding on tight. making it last forever.
but inside the moment i blink these minutes will turn to hours,
and these hours will turn to miles.
home will become a memory.
sometimes you don't realize a love until it's behind you;
rearview mirror realizations.
everyone for themselves.
this moment will soon burn into ashes-
scattered inside my mind and only pulled up at night.
this isn't goodbye-
but come sunrise i'll be gone.
empty closets and bare walls.
it's cold out tonight and all i have left is this dream of a coast.
three days and three thousand miles away.
but you're inside my heart.
my home.
i'll be alright.

-mark

higfhjgfjhgfjhgf

2007-03-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

i kick shovels into my wrists searching for a love that has yet to exist.
drawing x's on the scars
and o's across your lips.
..highest intentions of a kiss.
i'm tangled in sheets of another night alone
tear them away and scream your intentions out loud.
catch me talking to myself. writing words for my eyes only.
this world isn't big enough for the one of us.
pull down the moon with your last of lassos.
if it breaks then let the night stay.
it's not like we had a choice anyway.
build cities inside your head and dress me in your latest trends-
find me on the rooftop of every building.
fireworks and fingertips.
i want this night to last-
even if it doesn't exist.

2007-03-19T01:53:00.000-07:00

i shouldn't have cared.
it's not my place.
but it kind of hurt and i don't know why.

then again, it's the second time i've felt real in months.

sigh.

the attic obsession.

2006-11-28T05:25:00.000-08:00

head in your hands in the corner of your own prison. the room is lined with opened cabinets and drawers- you're failed attempts to find what you believe to be your only way out. your face is red and soaked from the pain you bring yourself everyday. you wonder why you're still here. you pull yourself up from the floor to brush you teeth. continue getting ready for another dissapointment. you think of what you're losing. what you've lost. you scramble around in your mind aimlessly looking for the right words, but inevitably the same word always seems to surface. everything. you close your eyes. running water over a beating heart. it's all you can hear. you glance over at the bathtub. for a split second you see yourself in it. red water for black thoughts. you throw on a shirt and walk out the door. every step inside this house echoes through your hollow dreams that hang from walls of past years. they tear at every last shred of hope you have left.

finally you climb into your car. you set out to do what you have to do to make sense out of your existance. white lines and stop signs. every passing car is a chance to end it all. one turn of the wheel could bring down this broken empire once and for all. you wonder if they would notice. if they would care. you're taken back to the times when you were happy. when it didn't hurt to smile. you long for these days that were short lived. you long for meaning and purpose, but you know it's all gone. dead inside your own skin. just go back to the place you call home. the walls that have became your own personal hell.

the black hands of a melting clock move violently across a white deathtrap. slow motion. like evenly spaced hollowed chambers of a gun. time is always playing russian roulette with our lives. you never know which jolt of the second hand will drag you into the dark. the moon falls on your stolen passions. you carry your soul into the night over the shoulder of a thousand mistakes. bury your head into your pillow; sometimes you wish it was the barrell of a steel disaster. "there has to be more than this.." is all you can think as you fall into nightmares and memories. the already lost war tirelessly raging inside your eyelids. all the blankets in the world couldn't melt the ice inside your heart. there's a thin line between headboards and headstones. that line was destroyed beside your sanity. the world has left you for dead. and the worst part is, tomorrow will always be the same.

diary of the suicide hope

2006-11-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

disposable recipients of anxious lips
warnings were never enough. flares for akward stares.
your intentions are gilded but vice ridden from the inside.
trying to resuscitate your own murder
i feel for you but moreso for them-
the names scratched out in lipstick;
your attempts to change the heart you're buried in.
you ask me how i did it.
i painted you on waves that were born to crash.
shorelines for sure signs;
lighthouses led you home.
you are slit wrists inside sinking ships,
you're damned from the inside out.
i'm over this.
ignores on numbers are getting old.
i respect flying fists from sinking wrists,
but once your nose goes under,
you'll see where i've called home for three years.

behind the scenes: love notes inside shy throats. take one.

2006-11-24T01:42:00.000-08:00

dance along the lights until the sun forgets it's job. connect the stars with footsteps; tonight we're the 'it' kids. rooftops for reputations. let's make the moon our disco ball. there's something about a november night. too late for fireworks but we'll make them anyways. watch them burn across the skyline and swallow up the city. explode beside our hearts. burn the maps; we're the only direction we need. scarves and gloves. cold lips against warm necks. fingertips inside your jeans; comfort is contagious. here's to pressing lips against your hips. body heat will keep us safe. crush these nights against mirrors and live them up; these are my white lines. wanted dead or alive.

save your sorry's, that's what i get for building homes inside empty words.

2006-11-18T02:28:00.000-08:00

tonight i came across a picture of your little sister.
she's the age that you were when we met.
she looks so much like you did. i could have cried from nostalgia.
in her face i saw yours, and mine next to it.
the picture we took before you moved away. you were only fifteen then.
how times have changed.
it makes me wonder what caused such a series of events.
what tore apart my trust and faith in hearts?
we were so young and naive. who would have thought.
years come crashing down and into our agendas like car wrecks and cheap sex.
they swallow our expectations and spit them back in our faces.
like drinking down the flames from my fixations and failures,
you burn me from the inside out.
i keep hell under cover. i've gotten so good at this i can fool myself.
sunglasses at night to hide my intentions.
ace of shades. a criminal of hearts. i've learned from the best.
keep the nears and dears. never speak another word that will find my ears.
i am windsheilds to your concrete.
car crashes are our only chance.
i think tonight i'll stay in.

trap doors and wet floors. we're all goin' down.

2006-11-13T22:57:00.000-08:00

woke up far away. the arch above my head held a sign. 'welcome to love'. i walked into a city of bright lights and fairy-tale nights. dust eruptions from my every step told me i should turn around. my reflection in passing windows wasn't me at all. it was you. i kept my hands in my pockets. rain drops floated down and into my eyes to hide my feelings for this place. along the curb i found a pen. i wrote 'where are you?'s' along every street light so maybe you could catch shadows. there's something wrong here. i found pieces of the sun along the sidewalk. the moon hasn't moved all night. every poster and billboard is pictures of us. around my wrist i found a string. it led deep into the sky. i pulled it down and every star crashed into the dirt. walk away from this disaster already. i decided to skip stones and knocked the city over. i ran as far as i could only to find derailed trains and crashed planes. i never found you because you don't exist here. love is hollywood scripts and hips, silver screens and sunken ships. don't fall in.

so much for dodging bridges you've burned..

2006-11-06T15:56:00.000-08:00

according to my mirror my pupils are engaged. so says the rings around my eyes. for the past few months i've drank you down and spit you out so much you've seen more of my teeth than my tongue has ever known. but just enough to get you out of my system. in my dreams i bury you in bones of middle fingers and unopened letters. hopefully you can use one to open the other and realize this was doomed from the beginning. but on the brighter side of city nights this town is fading fast. i know soon planks will become boardwalks and one hundred miles will become three thousand. for once smiles are escaping off-cue. finding myself holding pencils with nothing to write. without misery these words would be lost. like my brain is on strike unless my heart is in trenches. something has to give. i can feel the coast getting closer. i have so much to say but no way to put it all together. love losts are lessons gained. i will take them with me wherever i go. i know you will too. string together sentences only golden ears will hear; these words are priceless to me. i know i'm passing love notes to empty desks, but for now it's worth the wait. the nights and lights will reflect our good times, and for once i can smile at the thought of what used to be.

i'll get back to my old writing soon.
for now i'll be collecting new inspiration.

tonight we're sailing through stars empty handed

2006-10-25T18:08:00.000-07:00

if money is life and life is money
i've spent my entire life with nothing to show.
color me careless;
count me out.
i'm down to a twenty dollar bill and half a tank of gas.
just enough to make it out of this town alive.
i think the coast is going to come sooner than expected.
i don't see color here anymore.
just grey lights against 'get out or die' signs.
compasses with broken arrows.
something has sucked the life from this town long ago.
if it ever even existed.
in a room with broken light bulbs
watching dreams go down the gutter.
this is cold.
dark blue days.
black nights.
vines so entangled in my mind
that my heart has uprooted and spilled out of my fingertips;
onto my screen and into your eyes.
someone remind me there's a reason.
tell me grey can become gold;
i'm leaving this town alone.

lipstick and messages across my mirror to remind me you're not here

2006-10-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

make a mixtape for the drive. cover the road in tears. appearently there's more than one of you. or so says the broken hearted kids screaming through my speakers. i feel a little better knowing i'm not the only one out here tonight. driving through memories of us. tears like razorblades. cutting across my lips to add to the blood i've spilled from biting my tongue for three years. you'll never understand. take it all back. know that i was there for you all along. we both should have treasured every second. we were happy once. we completed eachother's hearts and sentences. from starts to finishes. and somewhere between a thousand flights and drives and tears and fights, lakes and kites and summer nights, three years came and went in the blink of an eye. i hope you think of me next fourth of july. memories of us will burn across the sky. tonight you're no longer mine. hold him tight. sweet dreams. goodnight.

two more candles and molly wouldn't be so innocent

2006-10-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

you are split-second slide shows. like subliminal marketing from the 1960's, the thought of you interferes and fades. endless sharades. living for the minute. i'll never truly be 'over it'. this sorrow is becoming cliche. i'm tired of these fingertip evaluations, but like a drug i keep coming back. imagery has a chokehold. like a projector in the back of my mind; you're oscar-worthy. this is useless. phone text tag. responding to your 'i miss yous' with 'you shoulds'. it's the only way i know how. drink down another heart break. ignore everything i ever said. just erase these lips; you've rendered this tongue usless. make me believe. cast faux shadows while you're up and down. i've been staring at this wall for too long. broken windows leading to gold mines keep me distracted. i can truly say you've buried the best of me. derailed my trust and fallen asleep on the track. i hate you for this.

here's to hoping shooting stars crash into your front door.

2006-10-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

late-night phone calls from failures and unforgettables. let me spell it out. i shouldn't be writing like this. but this time you've done it. cut the ribbon; your goal is reached. crush it and keep stomping. this has turned into a fascination. an obsession with seeing how far one leg can get from the other. before them and him it was us. you're under the influence of ignorance. heartbreaks in october with open windows. the cold or the anger. i'm not sure which has me shaking the most. to hell in a heatbeat. cold steel inside my spine. you went too far tonight. fuck what he said; your last few words poisened my insides. forget about locking away my trust; i'm burning it down. keep the kid. he's nothing to look at. then again, you're eyes have been closed since i've known you. white knuckle tight. four lane highways across his back. your fingernails behind the wheel. crash and burn. three years from now he'll be typing these exact words.

i drop the weight off my chest in words.
all you do is push him off.

hanging paintings in the rain to watch perfection hit the floor.

2006-10-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

incase you forgot, the ferris wheel was our fix. cotton candy catastraphe. ice cream crushes. arcades. skeeball. the beach. ride the train around three times for no reason at all. carve our names in the seat. go to the beach and bury our hands together. write messages in the sand to read before they wash away. this was us. walk all day, fireworks at night. one last sky ride before closing time. get stuck on top. watch the park lights slowly burn out one by one like the years we've watched go by. an instant classic. walking away. your hand in mine. no certain direction but to follow the stars. let's aim for the brightest. the one we named in your driveway. our backs against the pavement. we owned the sky.

i wish you the best.

tonight, tonight.

2006-10-09T23:27:00.000-07:00

standing in orange and brown leaves. wind brushing against my tears as i take one last look out the door. the door to my summer. i see you running towards me, but it's too late. i close the door. you are gone. summer has kept you this time and placed you in the scrapbooks of my life. the sun has turned you to stone. i will grow old without you. tonight you're traveling through space. a million miles away from today. sometimes you don't realize something hurts until the tears crash into your lap. small worlds exploding. you have truly went away this time. a thousand rain drops couldn't disquise these clean eyes. tonight i am assured the years have passed. another chapter closed. tonight your eyes meet his; mine are forgotten. they are closed. no longer a prisoner of suspicion. tonight one becomes two. two become one. you are perfect now.

windy city wake-ups

2006-10-08T04:07:00.000-07:00

polaroids inside my eyelids. subliminal cut-throats. i can't seem to dismiss these dreams. drive into the city. perfume on my passenger seat; you've blocked all exits. i bury breakdowns to pass the time. pull out your picture on michigan avenue. take a look up. you were always a sucker for a skyline. breathe in a chicago night. the lights and flights overhead. sigh. no street will ever be the same. your footprints on my windshield will confirm. this is easier said than done.

california love vs. 'she loves me not'

2006-10-06T20:12:00.000-07:00

i have keys and dreams. one a carriage to the other. i've been counting the days, but four tires just doesn't seem enough. escape. white lines on each side. i can't keep up. we never truly know where we're going. press on the pedal and close your eyes. tonight the coast can be my cure. lay in the sand and map out the stars. spell out your name. another mistake. let it fade and fall into the sea. start over. i would burn down the sky just to get this right. tonight i'm sinking ships without you. the world is collapsing in your name and you don't even have a clue. selective vision serenade. you haven't changed a bit.

love letters from pens with no ink; i'm reading scratches on the table.

2006-10-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

pick up the pen. put it right back down. false alarm. so much swirling through my head but no amount of words to map it out. we are lost. the blueprints have failed. you know- whispers are so much louder in the dark. so break bulbs with me, baby. let's burn these secrets down. expose you to this audience we call our conscience. we both know we didn't build these walls to last. you're always a sucker for the dark room. so take your scrapbooks back- these photos only last so long. sooner or later the color will fade, drip, and become a mess of memories that once were. a puddle of forgotten flashes and dead chromophil. expired smiles illustrated under dust. that's all we have become.

once the rewind button is broken, all you can do is let it play through..

on the best side of your bedside

2006-09-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

from the street corner, your bedroom window is my lighthouse. only it burns out long before i reach shore. two hearts between four walls. you have forgotten me. but we both know- your room burns so much brighter with the lights out. like waking up stranded watching the plane fly away. you have stolen my escape. cut my comfort. my mind seems to work better in the dark. making something out of nothing; my worst fears in widescreen. every heartbeat is that much closer to the last. it's easier to understand in silence. i hear his belt hit the floor. i pull the sheets over my head, but under here it's just as clear. your hands against the headboard; my eyes burn into sleep. my eyelids paint the scene into my dreams, a pefect world built for us. if only i could stay here forever. i could die with you.

pefection on my pillowcase; you will always be my dream girl.

-

fall down enough and getting up is what hurts

2006-09-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

please tell me fresh lips are new butterflies. words can be peeled from these letters as easily as they were spilled. dream girl. her sunglasses cover bruises of a broken heart. we know where we've been. spend most my nights in a photo album. highly contrasted summers. transparent 'i love yous'. these are the golden days. turn the page. what you thought was goodbye is just a disquised 'see you soon'. it never comes soon enough.

deep breaths.

distraction equals destruction

2006-09-29T04:44:00.000-07:00

the sun rises and rips away from the east. here comes another day without you. these days are going down in history. i'm going down in flames. the ballad of wet lips and eager hips. this is the story of your li(f)e. if manipulation was a degree, you would be a doctor. that would explain the scars you're leaving. your hair around his neck. your hands against his chest. these are the thoughts that render sleep an ineffable concept. i feel the burn in my stomach like a night of hard liquor; i'm drunk off of your fun. you are smiles and assurances. i am ideas and insecurities. sleep easy, baby. i'm wide awake.

and she burns to light my way home..

2006-09-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

never in my life have i seen such a lonely day.
i honestly tried. i gave it my all.
the curtains have turned black. the walls have turned cold.
days are winding down.
the floor and i have been communicating through tears.
you have destroyed me.
i will never understand where i went wrong.
lies nest under your tongue. and swarm under his sheets.
i may bid farewell to more than just you.

you were caught. even you were speechless. for once. i almost felt victorious even though i was on the recieving end. what a miserable accomplishment. forgiveness has been forgotten.

-mark